Monday, July 8, 2013

Natural 20.

Stupid Blogger deleted all the blogs I was following.  Eli asked if I had a list somewhere.  I said yes, the list was on Blogger. 

So Eli had his second vasectomy on July 4th.  Just a word of advice: do not use the hospital we went to.  We had an appointment for Wednesday, July 3rd for the surgery, but it turns out that after waiting several hours that appointment was just to see the doctor for five minutes.  He then told us to come back the next day at 11am.  We shrugged it off and went to the pool.  The next morning, we arrived at 10:40 and were asked to wait again.  We spent an hour in the main waiting area, then were escorted upstairs to the "daycare," the area where outpatients are brought after (and apparently before) surgery.  They had Eli dress up in this fabulous salmon-colored shirt and pants combo, then we waited for another 45 minutes.  I was starving because I hadn't eaten yet, so when they kicked me out to do a little trimming on Eli's entire bottom half, I went to the hospital food court.  Before I left, they told me to stay in the waiting room, and they'd come get me when Eli was out of surgery.  I assumed that meant he was going into surgery.  I was wrong.  I got back to the waiting room around 1pm.  I sat there crocheting and playing games on my tablet until 6:15.  I joined him in the daycare, and we were told we had to wait for the doctor to come do some final check.  About fifteen minutes passed, then the nurse told me I had to go downstairs and pay the remainder of our fee before Eli will get the okay to leave.  I spent another 30 minutes waiting for the one guy in the billing office to take our money.  When I got back, the doctor hadn't been in yet, but the nurse said we were free to go.  It was very confusing for both of us because we hadn't gotten any instructions on what to do once we got home, medications, changing dressings, physical limitations, nothing.  They only told us we had to come back in three days (on Sunday, more on that later) to get the dressings removed.  We never saw the doctor again.  I was not impressed at that point, and I told Eli that if I needed medical care to take me to the other hospital with the nice children's doctor.  Eli says the actual surgery was very quick and professional, but I beg to differ.  Here's what I wasn't present for. He decided on local anesthetic, so when he was finally wheeled into the OR, they stuck him several times in his manly bits with needles.  I was already cringing when he was telling me this after, but it got a lot worse.  The doctor waited maybe 5 or 10 seconds then started cutting.  Just to be clear: Eli was not numb.  He said he was screaming that it hurt, but doctor just ignored him and kept going.  Let's all take a moment to think about that experience.  

The entire surgery was something like 48 minutes, and Eli could feel everything for the first 10 minutes.  Not cool.  I told him we should demand our money back for the anesthetic if they weren't going to let it take effect.  I was only half kidding.  So Eli proceeds to call the driver on Sunday and head back over to the hospital in the morning (since appointment times are apparently useless).  He gets there and finds out that the hospital is closed on Sundays and there are no doctors available.  This just added to the idea that the hospital was crap.  He came home and removed the bandages himself, then emailed our contact at the hospital (on Sunday night).  She emailed him back at 10:30am Monday morning to tell him he had an appointment at 11:30am and ignored all his questions.  He didn't get the email until 5:30pm when he sat down at his computer.  Useless system.  We still don't know if the stitches need to be removed by a doctor or if they'll dissolve on their own. 

I don't know how Eli isn't traumatized by this experience.  To offer some kind of balm to your shattered nerves, here is a picture of D after he found Eli's stash of gaming dice.

Roll for initiative.

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