Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The "After" Phase

Most of you probably already know, but I passed my dissertation defense.  I will be graduating in May with a PhD in English.  So that's one thing marked off on my life to-do list.  Next on the list is Everest, so this is going to be a fruitful year.  I've spent the past almost two weeks in what I've come to think of as the "after" phase.  My shoulders are slowly relaxing, and I've stopped having random mini-panic attacks that I'm not working on my dissertation non-stop.  I knew school was a source of pressure and stress, but I hadn't realized the sheer amount of it that I'd built up.  I'm happier every day because my brain lets me really enjoy the things I do for fun.  Now they're important in their own right rather than as procrastination tools.  I also enjoy playing with D more because now I'm fully engaged and not waiting until someone comes to relieve me so that I can get back to work.  I'm very proud that I've accomplished as much as I have in my studies, but I'm ready to not define myself as "an English major" anymore.

After much concentrated effort, Eli and I have come to the realization that we're not going to have any more kids.  We'd given ourselves until May to get pregnant, and May is here with no pregnancy.  I'm torn on the issue because originally we were only going to have one baby.  That changed during my pregnancy, so I got used to the idea of having two kids.  Now we're back to one, and I can't help but feel sad for everything we're going to miss.  The phase will pass because I don't like being sad.  I'll focus on the happy aspects of the decision until I've forgotten the sad parts, but for now it's a little hard seeing many of my friends pregnant or with new babies.

Something else I realized.  My intention to have another baby was sabotaging my weight loss efforts.  I spoke a good game, but when it came down to it, I wasn't as dedicated as I have been in the past.  The thought of gaining weight with another pregnancy just to have to start losing it all over again made my willpower less effective.  Now that I know I won't be gaining weight for a pregnancy, it's gotten a lot easier to focus on eating right and exercising.  Today was day 18 of 30DS round two, and I've noticed a nice improvement in the ease of the moves.  I'm 6 pounds from my WW goal weight, and 16 pounds from my personal goal weight (I like to leave a little wiggle room for the weeks where I just have to have a cupcake every day).  On top of that, I feel like I've toned some muscle where before I just did cardio to keep the jiggly parts a little less jiggly.  I'm really excited to fit into my extensive wardrobe of clothes that have been in storage for over two years now.  It'll be like shopping except I love everything and it's all free.  I keep a couple of pics in my workout space as motivation.  One is of me and Rocket in Mexico, and I love the way I look.  Clearly, I've gotten to that point once before, so I'll get there again.  I intend to be a fit, healthy, 30-something mom living the beach lifestyle with her best buds.  There's a lot to look forward to.

Some pics I've accumulated in the last two weeks:

This is my workout calendar.  One sticker for every day I did 30DS.

D likes to take all the milk boxes out of the big box and carry them around.  He leaves them all over the house.

This is how he watches his DVDs.

D holding a friend's turtle for the first time.

He loves this motorcycle.

D's Rules #6: We can have no pillows on the couch.  They are allowed on the arms or the floor only.

What up.

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