Sunday, October 2, 2011

I should really be sleeping.

Dante is asleep.  Eli is asleep.  I am working, though I'm not as tired as I think I probably should be.  Then again, judging from that last sentence, I'm more tired than I thought.  (More tired? Tireder? Hmm...)  My students are awesome, and I'm loving the online classes.  Even though D2L is slower than *insert metaphor of choice here*.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more online classes next semester.

I went to Target today for the second day in a row with a crying infant.  It was much better than yesterday.  I almost throat-punched someone in the bodywash aisle yesterday, and that didn't happen today.  For some reason, it appears that my local Target turns into a community meeting place on Saturdays after 5pm.  Women with sideways shopping carts were stopping to chat right in front of the product I needed to grab as I dashed past.  It's hard to dash when there are full-on roadblocks in every aisle.  Dante was not impressed.  Though I think if I had actually throat-punched that woman, he might have been.  I also went to Once Upon A Child today (finally) to get a couple more outfits that Dante will actually fit into.  $60 later, and I may not have to do laundry twice a day.  The find I'm most proud of?  The tiny, light blue, fleecy hat with little bear ears and a chin strap.  Up until now, we only had one hat that fit him, and he likes to shimmy it off his head when he's upset in his carseat.  Lo and behold...chin strap.  I need to document this on film for future blackmail purposes.

Dante is sleeping in his crib (in his own room) for the first time tonight.  Now that we have monitors that work.  I hope he likes it.

i love goldfishes cuz they're so delicious... 

Monday, September 26, 2011

Two weeks and all is well.

Tomorrow marks Dante's first two weeks in the world.  He's happily keeping me and Eli awake all night, but we're just happy he's here with us.  He loves his swing (from his Aunt Naomi) and would sleep in it all the time if he could.  He's also fond of peeing all over everything whenever Eli changes his diaper.  We've had to wash the comforter twice in the last week.  Usually it's accompanied by well-timed poop that has Eli flailing.  It would be funny if the comforter wasn't a pain to wash.  I think I may just have him buy me a new one.  So far, Dante is gaining weight (5 pounds 8.5 ounces at last check up) and acting just like a healthy baby is supposed to.  It's quite a relief, but it doesn't negate the horrible "my baby is going to die" dreams I keep having.  Hopefully, those will pass with time and counseling.  Or maybe just lots of ice cream.  I have run out of pain meds, and I'm beginning to think that life really is better with narcotics.  Also, I highly suggest checking the milk before you drink it when you have abdominal issues because sour milk working it's way through your system at that point is *awesome*.  Also also, the hospital has me addicted to apple juice as well as narcotics.  This is really just a weird, all over the place update, most likely attributed to lack of sleep and over-consumption of fruity beverages.  Also also also, my son is freaking adorable.

they didn't have you where i come from
never knew the best was yet to come
life began when i saw your face
and i hear your laugh like a serenade

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Well, that was unexpected.

Or at least, as unexpected as birth ever is I suppose.  Monday night was the full moon.  We all joked about how my water would break in a horribly embarrassing place because crazy things and babies like full moons.  My water broke at 1:30am Tuesday morning...on the toilet.  Crazy, I know.  Pop.  Gush.  Fluid.  I wasn't convinced it was my water because it seemed too easy, it didn't continue to gush, and hello, I was on the toilet for a reason.  I went back to bed...on top of a towel just in case.  Around 4am, I got up to go to the bathroom again (completely normal) and found pink-tinged slime.  Hello labor, good-bye mucous plug.  I went back to bed.  The contractions started at around 5, and most of them weren't too bad.  A couple had me deciding that I liked needles after all and I'd like the epidural now thank you.  So naturally, I went back to bed.  I figured we had a while to go and I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could anyway.  Eli got up at around that point, and I informed him he wouldn't be going to work that day.  We decided he should just go get his laptop from his office instead.  I go back to bed.  He comes back, we have breakfast, we pack the car, all very civilized.  So far, this is really boring, right?  Then Eli finds the paper on my hospital bag titled something like "Go to the Hospital NOW When Any of These Things Happens!!"  He skims it then says, "Hey, you meet all eight of these requirements....we should call the hospital."  A back and forth ensues.  I don't want to be strapped to a bed because my water broke, Eli insisted that there's a reason they make us come to the hospital.  He wins.  We call and go in.

We get to the hospital at around 9am, park in the wrong area, try again, and finally find admitting.  They didn't even check me, just set me up with a room in labor and delivery.  About thirty minutes goes by, my contractions are getting closer together, and they finally hook me up to the monitors.  One belt is for Dante's heartbeat, one belt is for my contractions.  The first contraction hits and Dante's heartbeat drops from like 150 to 50.  Serious distress.  Me, Eli, and the nurse look at each other for a second.  Maybe we moved the monitor?  We find his heartbeat again, normal.  The second contraction hits and his heartbeat drops again.  The nurse immediately starts making me get into weird positions (not just lying on my back) to bring his heartbeat back up while frantically paging the front desk and yelling that she needs help.  No one responds for maybe 25 seconds, so she takes off running down the hallway, yelling for help.  At this point, I'm feeling a little nervous.  The room quickly fills with nurses and doctors (one of whom is mine).  They start poking me with things better left unsaid and discussing options.  They decide the baby likes it best on my hands and knees, so that's the position I'm stuck in.  His heartbeat goes back up for a bit, then another contraction hits and my doctor comes to the head of the bed to talk in a very serious voice.  She says we need to have an emergency c-section now because he's not tolerating labor.

I'm now shaking just retelling this part because that was when I started to freak out on the inside. They wheeled me away to an OR room and told me they didn't have time for regular anesthesia.  I'd have to be put to sleep.  Maybe 15 minutes had passed since the time the nurse ran down the hallway.  I had two IVs, they'd taken a lot of blood, eveyone was rushing around.  They didn't even change me out of the regular hospital gown, just put a cap over my hair.  I remember crying, and my doctor crying, and the anesthetist telling me that I needed to breathe deep and I would feel pressure on my throat.  The worst part was right before I went out when I couldn't draw in a breath to do the deep breathing they wanted.  I tried to tell him I couldn't breathe, but nothing worked.  I woke up in recovery.

Eli was there, but the baby wasn't.  He was in the Special Needs Nursery being treated for low blood sugar.  Which is where he remains because he's having trouble regulating it himself.  It's probably not helping that he refuses to drink from a bottle, so they're feeding him through a tube.  He was 5 pounds, 8 ounces at birth, smaller than they'd anticipated by a lot, but he was 20 inches long, which explains the skewing.  He's also adorable.  The nurses in the Special Need Nursery are calling him a miracle baby because it was a miracle he survived.  He had an abnormally long umbilical cord that was wrapped around his neck three times.  Every time I had a contraction, he was strangling.  My doctor said that if we'd waited another 20 minutes he probably wouldn't have made it.  Eli couldn't be in the room when he was born because it was too fast, but he got there just after and cut the cord.  He was also able to stay with Dante until they whisked him off to the nursery.  I'm still having moments of panic when I think about it.

Obviously, we're still in the hospital.  The powers that be finally let me eat and move around today, so I got to hold Dante some more.  I'm itchy and sore and sliced open, but I'm so freaking thankful that Eli bullied me into calling the hospital and that my doctor doesn't waste any time when the shit hits the fan.  The nurses are impressed with how "easily" I'm moving, but it's become clear that Dante can't come to me, so I have to go to him.  I'm sure I'll regret the movement once he's in the room with us and I don't have to move to be near him.

So there you go, after the tamest pregnancy, everything went all crazy right at the end.  And now, pictures:

Friday, September 9, 2011

Yes, I'm still pregnant.

I've been getting a lot of sly messages that sound something like: sooo, how are you feeling?  While I admit it could be annoying, I'm enjoying it.  The messages make me feel loved, and I'm really amused that what everyone means is: are you in labor yet?  The answer is no.  I'm not in labor.  I am 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and I'm just as ready as everyone else to be in labor.  My doctor mentioned induction again at our appointment this morning, but this time she had me schedule an appointment early next week to talk about it specifically.  Dante is doing fine, she's just still worried about his size and my apparent lack of labor signs. 

Unless crazy hormones are a sign of labor.  I was pretty sure they were just a sign of pregnancy.  I was playing League of Legends with Eli and a friend last night, but I was sucking it up.  The two people we didn't know who were playing with us spent the entire first half of the match making jackhole comments about me and to me in the chat window.  It got to me so bad that I had to leave the room to go cry in the bathroom.  I didn't come back until the match was over.  Now, I'm not thin-skinned and I talk crap with the rest of the gamer boys, but for some reason, it pushed me over the edge into sad panda territory last night.  Eli suggested hormones.  I think he may be right.  Our son is turning me into a girl.

Now that the baby talk is out of the way, on to school!  Surprisingly, classes are going well.  My students are active (well, most of them), and I'm not having any problems keeping up so far.  Considering that I still feel drained all day despite sleeping plenty at night now, I'm pretty happy with my ability to teach.  It's still a weird transition to get up in the morning knowing I need to put in hours of work but that I don't have to go anywhere.  This is especially awesome because I've pretty much outgrown my maternity clothes.  I blame the pumpkin pies I've been making because it feels like fall.  And maybe the pumpkin muffins.  And the pumpkin pancakes I had the other night, but those were whole wheat pancakes, so healthy...right? 

Now I'm hungry. And out of pumpkin.

throw your soul through every open door
count your blessings to find what you look for

Friday, September 2, 2011

So tired.

I need to stop waking up at 4am.  I'm trying to stay up as late as I can tonight in the hopes that my body will rest through the usual 4am wakeup cramps and restless leg syndrome.  Since I'm sure everyone is dying to know...we are officially not being induced... yet.  The Braxton-Hicks contractions are getting stronger every day, and my doctor is happy about that.  I just have to remember to sit up very straight if I want to breathe.  We had two non-stress tests this week, and Dante passed both of them beautifully.  Obviously he's not in distress, he's just small and active.  I have to get two more next week before my Friday appointment. 

Classes start on Tuesday, and I already have students emailing me with questions.  I suppose that's good since I like active students (and it shows that at least one of them knows how to use a computer), but for the first time in...well, ever...I'm a little nervous about teaching.  Not the act itself, but my ability to actually handle two full classes (40 students total) while birthing and subsequently taking care of a small human.  I keep having dreams that I'm forgetting something important for my classes.  I find myself with the strong need to constantly check my syllabi/websites/rosters/notes/etc to make sure that everything is in order.  That's actually what I was doing this morning at 5am when I gave in and admitted that I wasn't going back to sleep.  Then I went to the gym.  Thank goodness for the gym.  It makes me physically unable to check email or clean or fix anything in my life.  I can just breathe for an hour (provided I'm standing or sitting very straight) and try not to fall off the machines.  In all fairness, that only happened once and I blame my shoelace. 

Quick thanks to Natalie who gave me the awesome present today of pretty toes.  Now I have something shiny to focus on during labor. 

today i don't feel like doing anything
i just wanna lay in my bed

Friday, August 26, 2011

Even more danish.

I'm becoming one of those pregnant women.  The ones who are incapable of talking about anything besides the baby.  Might as well enjoy it, eh?  I had my 37 week appointment today (with my regular doctor this time).  The backstory here is that Dante's tummy size is about two weeks behind.  The rest of him is appropriately sized.  I've been getting regular ultrasounds, and he's still growing.  He's just consistently small in the tummy area.  For those of you who have met Eli, this should not come as a surprise.  The doctor told me today that I would need to get two non-stress tests (where they hook me up and monitor Dante's heartbeat and my contractions) next week in addition to my regular appointment.  She also told me that it might be a good idea to induce me at 39 weeks if I haven't already had him and I have a "favorable cervix".  I want to tell my cervix to either get on the ball and do some work or be completely rude to the doctor the next time it sees her.  I really don't want to be induced, so I'm hoping I was right in my baby birthday choice of early week 39. 

In other news, I bought more danish today.  I'm addicted.

say what you mean, tell me i'm right
and let the sun rain down on me
give me a sign, i want to believe

Thursday, August 18, 2011


The Bump is down.  How am I supposed to waste an hour of my day reading their forums if I can't access the site?!  This just throws the schedule all off.

In other news, I submitted my resume/job file/thing to Blizzard yesterday.  Eli was very...shall we say adamant?...that I needed to apply for this job.  He made a good point about the opportunity not being there when it's convenient for me.  We'll see how it goes, so keep your fingers (or something) crossed.

In other other news, the doctor that I just met at my OB's practice (my regular doctor was off delivering a baby during my appointment) very cheerfully told me that I'm full-term, so if I were to go into labor, they wouldn't stop it.  Excellent.  I feel like I should be packing a hospital bag or something.  Maybe I'll get on that this weekend.  I suppose it's good timing since my last volleyball match was last night (we lost all three games, netting us the coveted second place position).  It'll be nice to stop getting the side-eye from people watching the games.  I still maintain they're jealous because my wide load moves better on the court than them.  My yoga instructor also told me yesterday that I probably won't be able to make many more classes.  Since I don't particularly feel handicapped, I guess I'll just keep doing what I do until my body tells me no.  My doctor (the regular one) is on board with this plan.  So, any guesses about when the baby will decide to make his appearance?  I'm thinking of putting money on September 10th because the wordplay amuses me.  (Look at a calendar if you're confused.)

he robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor,
he stood up to the man and he gave him whatfor.
our love for him now, ain't hard to explain,
the hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Cue Hallelujah chorus

I've found my dream job.  Well, probably my dream job.  Out of curiosity, I was researching publishing internships and jobs in Southern California (because I like to be prepared), but I wasn't finding much that could work with my future plans.  Mostly because there seems to be a shortage of publishing houses everywhere except New York City, which I knew.  In desperation and boredom (and because I'm procrastinating going to the gym), I looked up jobs with Blizzard Entertainment.  Blizzard is based in Irvine, which is where I hope we end up after graduation, and it also happens to be where Eli wants to work.  They have several openings for writing jobs.  Creative writing jobs.  That's right, a job where I get to make stuff up and get paid for it.  Not only that, but their requirements involve experience with their games, knowledge of computer based role-playing games, experience creating pen and paper or live-action role playing games, and a focus on creating compelling dialogue.  They just described the last ten years of my life.  I feel like I was hand-crafted for this job.  No one tell Trent, he'll steal it out from under me.  One of my favorite aspects of World of Warcraft has always been the clever writing, and I would give an entire appendage to be able to contribute to something like that.  Maybe two.  Oh, and the game they're hiring for?  Diablo III.  Even yesser.

i wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face
and it never feels out of place

Monday, August 1, 2011

0-12 months? Really?

I'm convinced that baby clothes manufacturers have a secret agenda to make parents lose their schmidt.  I have what I'm told is a large amount of baby clothes that need to be organized in the baby's room.  Now, those of you who have been in my inner sanctum know that I am borderline OCD when it comes to organizing my clothes.  We're talking style, season, color, all neatly hung on matching hangars, and an entire closet dedicated to shoes (also organized according to style, season, and color).  This, of course, does not include my costume closet, which is organized in an entirely different manner.  The goal here is functionality.  I live in a very old house with closets that are a joke.  I have three "real" closets and two wardrobes for all my gear, so it takes some creativity and organization if I actually want to wear all the awesome stuff I buy.  Moving on, the baby has a real closet which is twice the size of my "real" closets.  He also has closet organizers that I'm slightly jealous of.  In the last couple of days, I've been trying to work out a functional, easy system for the baby's clothes that involves his good closet and the lone dresser in his room.  Keep in mind that we have to store things other than adorable onesies in this closet and dresser.  Like an abundance of blankets.  Blankets do not hang well. Onesies, though, hang just fine, with the added bonus that I can now see them all as I choose an outfit for the next few hours (before he spits up, spills, or poops on it and I have to change his clothes).  The hard part, surprisingly, is in deciding how to organize it.  His clothes come in style, color, season, and size.  The size part is what's throwing a monkey in the works (yes, the whole monkey, not just his wrench).  Some pieces say newborn, some say 0-3 months, some claim to be 6 months but look the same as the newborn size, some say 0-12 months.  Really?  0-12?  They couldn't be more vague about the size there?  I'm pretty sure babies grow quite a bit in the first year of their lives.   Then again, I suppose they could just be covering all their bases.  "This will fit a baby some time in it's first year."  Yes, thank you very much.  You've been very helpful, vague sizing tag.  I have two shirts that don't even have sizes on them.  Last night, I decided to just ignore the tags and start guessing.  As long as they're hanging up, I can clearly see the size differences.  I'll put the blankets and wash cloths and towels and other foldy things that don't hang well in the dresser, clothes in the closet, and diapers in the changing table drawer.  Excellent.  Now someone needs to explain to me the difference between actual pajamas and the one-piece outfits with the feet that don't have the pajama neck snap.

and we're dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign  

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Pretty much a new person at this point.

I like this blog, so I think I'll keep coming back to it at random points in my life.  Should I do the quick list of things that have changed since April 2010? 
  • I'm 8 months pregnant with a boy.
  • I've finished my prelims and am now working on my dissertation.
  • I will probably be pushing back my graduation date from May 2012 to May 2013 so that I can keep my amazing insurance and paycheck.
  • We're finishing the basement so we can play musical chairs with the rooms in our house (changes include: computer room and game room/guest room downstairs, costume office on main floor, baby's room and guest room upstairs).
  • I've learned how to make cheesecake.
  • Eli and I are officially married. 
  • I got a new car suitable for a pregnant woman and small children.
  • Isaiah will be 16 soon and driving on his own.
I think that's all the big stuff.  No doubt I'm missing some important things in there...I blame the amnesia-inducing pregnancy hormones.  We'll see if my life is interesting enough at this point to keep up the blog.

a lonely speaker in a conversation
her words are spinning through his ears again
there's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for